Ah, yes. The Wonderful World of Dating. I’m back on the horse. And might as well dive in head first, right?
First of all, I went out with the other guy I referenced a while back. The one that I was texting with quite frequently and we were hitting it off. Well, the date went well. Or at least I thought it did? Haven’t really heard from him, so clearly, something went wrong to which I was blissfully unaware.
After a solid week of speculation and paranoia, I moved on from that one. Tinder is fun, but at the end of the day, I don’t think it’s really for serious relationships. I mean, maybe? I don’t know. But I was determined to get serious about this whole dating situation, so I signed myself up for Match.com. Yep. I did it. I sunk a whole $68 worth of my hard-earned money into 3 months worth of Online Dating. With a glass of wine and one of my best friends, we put together my profile and with a click of a button, it was out there. Come and get me, eligible bachelors within a 70 mile radius. As long as you don’t smoke, you want kids and have some kind of higher education.
As expected, I got some realllll winners on there. I mean, I can’t even tell you. One guy just sent me an email that said “Luv u.” Yep. Blocked him. Another? “Hello. Would you like to chat or go out to dinner?” How about you try to strike up a conversation first, buddy? Also...just for your visuals on this gentleman...tshirt with the sleeves cut off, jeans, beer gut, handle-bar mustache. Blocked him too. And for some reason, I’m real attractive to the 49 and over crowd. Really? Because my profile clearly states that I want more kids...and I’m not having them with your geriatric ass.
And Match has this really corny feature where you can wink at people, which I equate to the flirty version of a poke on Facebook. Silly. Didn’t stop me from doing it, but I blame the wine. Anyway, I started talking to a few guys and turns out, I really hit it off with one of them. Really hit it off. We’re headed out Saturday night.
I also have a date tonight with a guy from Tinder that actually went to the same college I did. Go ahead and be like “Play on playa.” I know, I know. But seriously, I had this date scheduled for 2 weeks...then the other guy came along and R is gone for the weekend and well, it just worked out.
Drinks tonight with Tinder Guy. Mini golf and possibly dinner tomorrow night with Match Guy. Yes, mini golf. Yes, I’m 5 years old. And I can’t even believe I agreed to possibly eat on a first date. I might vomit right now at the thought of trying to eat in front of someone of the opposite sex that’s actually attractive and has mating potential.
And on a completely related/unrelated? note...R has regressed in his sleep patterns. I blame it on this one last little bitch of a top two-year molar, but he’s been waking consistently for 2-3 hours every night and in turn, ends up in my bed. Eff. I swore upon all things holy that would not happen. Now here we are. Which leads me to the related part to the dating reference above…
I already have 26 pounds of Wiggle Pug grump in my bed and now I’ve added a 26 pound toddler. What if I want someone else in my bed? I think I’ve really screwed myself here. No pun intended.
This week, we work on sleep training. For the fur kid and the human kid. Send all the coffee. Also all the positive vibes for decent dates.